IF you read my last post (sorry and not sorry)

If you didn't you missed out! I deleted it, Can anyone say BIPOLAR..... Just going threw some heavy shit. All of us are. Its hard to be us right now. I know everyone has their own pile of BS, but we are at a catharsis in life right now, teetering on a threshold. It can very easily go one way or the other at this point. Do we let 12 years of our lives go down the drain, or do we work on it. Is it even worth it anymore? So complicated, kids, bills, things, health issues, Life, who I want to be VS who I am. Like I said Catharsis. I think we all go threw it, everyone of us in our lives. It is hard on me because I dont know anyone here, and I so wish that I had a mother who I could talk to about this. But I don't. I just know that right now its not a healthy environment for my kids. Its hard to see your parents fighting all the time. Its not easy growing up in WW III, like my girl Pink says. I mean do I just stick around and see how bad it gets? When do you know that enough is enough? I hate this, when they say marriage is work, they are not kidding. You all know how much I love to work. LOL..... But sorry about the doom and gloom, but this is my blog and this is my life, and when things are heavy and too much to carry, I sometimes put them here. It helps a little to know that someone is reading my thoughts, and someone may be able to relate, or give suggestions. Drama is emotionally draining, need a energy boost from my clan.

Its been awhile

I found the magic of Face Book and have not posted in a while. Im addicted to FB, Ive found friends that I have not talked to in 20 years or so. Josh's family, you so need to go to David's facebook page and check out his video. Its so funny, and about global warming. I think we all have missed out on David and how cool of a kid he is. Sad, but we can always fix that starting NOW. And NO I have NOT found a job yet. That seems to be the question on every ones mind. I know my fault, no one elses. Been tryin pretty hard. So thats the latest gossip in my life right now. Mason has a new nick name, its Mace Mace Peanut butter and Jelly Face. I wont say why because of legal issues but I will tell you in person. LOL.... Hope everyone is well and I hope poor Sam starts to get better soon. Poor guy, at least he has Brooke to take care of him. Perhaps we should get her a sexy nurse outfit just to brighten his day. Do you think she would wear it?

Merry Christmas.

I did not sent out cards this year so I am now wishing all of you a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy and Prosperous New Year!!! I hope you all get your Christmas Wishes!!! What ever they may be. Love You All

BURRRR

It is freezing here today. It's like 15 degrees outside right now and yesterday it was tank top weather. Crazy. Thanksgiving was nice. Beki and George were here. Peyton and Beki kicked our butts at Pictionary. No fair! The next day our friends Travis and Rebel came down and stayed a few days. That was cool, and they want to move here after seeing the city and all it has to offer. That would be my dream come true. I so need a friend down here to do girly things with. I have an interview today, it is the 2nd at the community outreach center. So I think that is a good sign. (knock on wood). Wish me luck! It sounds like an ok job. Not my dream job by far, but a job. I heard there is something like 148000 people looking for work in the State, so beggars can't be choosers at this point. We still have not sold or rented out the house in Casper, it is such a bad market up there, I don't know what we will do if it does not go soon. I can't believe that Brooke's wedding and ring ceremony is less than two weeks away. It will be great to see all of you there. Drive Safe. I hope the weather is good for all of our drives. See you all then.

Snow Man Army

So last weekend I don't know what got into me but I put up the snow men. Not all but some, I even had Josh do some lights. So I guess I will be in the X-mas spirit once again. I'm still looking for a job, however I have an interview on Monday at the Community Outreach Center, being a receptionist. Its a center that places people with IQs under 70 in foster homes and group homes. Its better than nothing, but still not what I want to do. However anything is better than nothing right now. Its kind of in a bad part of town also, the South side. I put the house in Casper up for rent, and I put an add in the Casper paper and on Craig's list. I have gotten more responses from the add on Craig's list. I never checked out Craig's list before, its kind of neat, however stay away from the personal adds. There is some Freaks out there, especially in Colorado Springs. FREAKS!
I'm looking forward to seeing Beki and George next week, they are going to come down for turkey day and to spend some time with us. That will be nice. Cant wait to see some familiar faces.

More Positive Today

It is Friday the 13th Masons Birthday! He is now 7 can you believe that. It is so funny he lost both of his two front teeth in one day. So I guess he could sing that old song all I want for Christmas is my two front teeth. So things here have been sort of hard. Finding a job for me is not as easy as I would of hoped. I have gone to all the job services, scoured the paper daily and yes even applied at a crematorium. You know where you burn the dead. So not what I went to college for. The traffic here is crazy, the other day it took me 40 minutes to drive 7.5 miles. Other times its smooth sailing. I'm very home sick, and I miss my friends, and my old house. It is killing us making these two house payments along with all the bills for each. We are so broke it hurts. I'm afraid that if we don't sell that house soon we may have to go into foreclosure and file bankruptcy. I so don't want that, but what do we do, I mean we have to eat. My depression has been out of control, today is the first day in weeks that I have felt like myself. I spent days in bed just crying and sleeping. Its been hard on me moving here. Its hard to except that my house is gone forever. But......I'm trying to stay positive, lets see, the radio stations here kick ass and are so much better that Wyo. I live in a very nice house, my family is still together and even though we are struggling we are still a family. There is a lot to do here if you have money. People here are nice, and marijuana is legal here. (not that I can afford any) So there are some things to look forward to. I am so not in the Christmas spirit this year, can you believe that not one snow man is on display. I know so not like me. I want to boycott the Holidays this year, Bah hum bug.

Blah blah blah

I have tried to write a blog post over and over and over again. But it just comes out way to blah blah blah and negative so I have written down some words from a song I love by Seether called Fine Again and it sort of sums up how I am feeling about this life and where Im at right now.

It seems like every days the same and Im left to discover on my own. It seems like everything is gray and theres no color to behold. They say its over and Im fine agin here. Try to stay sober, feels like im dying here. And I am aware now how everythings gonna be fine one day, too late Im in hell. I am prepared now seems everyones gonna be fine one day too late. Just as well.
I feel the dream in me expire and theres no one left to blame it on. I hear you label me a liar cuz I cant seem to get this threw. You say its over I can sigh again here. Why try to stay sober, when im dying here.
If you want to hear the whole song go to myspace/seether.