Sunday, October 2, 2011
Christa, u have been gone 18 years now, and still your memory stays with me. Sometimes I wish we could of changed places in that car. Why is it that I lived and you died? In a way I am envious, you will forever be young and beautiful. You will never know the heart ache of losing your best friend, the other half of u. You will never know how much that hurts. I wonder if we would still be best friends, or if we would have drifted apart like sand in the wind, and became just distant memories like so many of the rest. You were the only person in this world who totally understood me. I miss u. I feel selfish, because I lived, I got to know the feeling of falling in love, having unconditional love threw my children, and then the heartbreak of falling out of love. I look in the mirror and wonder who is this person standing before me, because I have aged, and my own visage is almost unrecognizable, age is cruel, and only getting crueler by the year. I have tried more than once to come meet you again, but perhaps you are not ready to see me . Perhaps it is you that keeps me here, even thou my head is full of darkness and my heart is shattered on the floor, you still want me to be here. I know you were here, you were alive, and you were my best friend, you live threw me, my love and my struggles are also yours. We are one, even death could not kill that. However there is a hole in my soul where you use to be. You filled that piece of me that no one ever could, not my husband, not my kids, and no other. However when it is time for me to find the path threw the thorny bushes and darkness, I want your face to be the first I see. We can walk hand in hand threw the dark overgrown pathways where the willows meet, and once again be whole. I love you my dear Christa Sweet, please wait for me where the willows meet.